I'll tell you what's on my mind.

Mmm day four of the fifth month today is.

understatedoverture:

May the fourth be with you today.

I just wrote this. Somebody skilled in english help me edit it maybe please thanks…

There’s this old two story house that sits at the end of the street. The outside looks run down, and it’s tall iron fence gives it a creepy feel. Few windows face the front of the house… that is, if you don’t count it’s large and out of place glass paneled front door. A front door you would be afraid to knock on, if you ever stood close enough, for fear of shattering it. Threw the glass door, you can see a large open living area, complete with couches, love seats, end tables and automans. It would seem as if this place was rarely used, if it weren’t for the empty Crown Royal bottle and the old man slumped over a love seat with his ass in the air and his hands and head hanging over the arm. A fishing pole rests against the opposite armchair with tackle box on the floor next to it, with it’s top off and treble hooks littering the floor around it. One room over is the dining room, with a large oak table in the middle with seven chairs. One on the end, with an empty plate in front and an unnecessary number of paper towels overflow from a small trash can next to it. The chair to the right of the end is short, with beautiful designs carved in. A small plate sits in front. To the left of the end is a broken chair, laying on the floor, with white chalk coating it. A plate sits in front with a moldy slice of bread. One down is a chair too tall for anybody to sit it, backed away from the table, unable to be pushed in because of it’s height. On the table in front is a neatly folded napkin. Across from the tall chair is an empty space, where many wonderful meals were once enjoyed, forever empty now. One down is a soft, padded black desk chair, with a yellow spray paint mark straight down the middle, dividing the chair into two halves. A plate containing an uneaten steak sits in front. Across the table is a large plate, with every kind of food you can thing of, and the most comfortable chair you could imagine, with spikes in the seat. At the very end is a fold up camping chair, in front on the table is a beer can and a broken glass pipe.

The next room is the kitchen, with red stains all over the walls and the food in the pantries is always different. A book sits by the sink, but is hidden by the overflowing dirty dishes. The kitchen contains a bar, where if you were to sit at, you would have the most amazing view of the gardens in the back yard threw the many windows that fill the room with light during the day, but gives you an eerie feeling of being watched at night.

To the side, connecting the front living room to the kitchen is a smaller, more frequently used living room, with a staircase, couch, television, and bookshelf, as well as a sliding glass door to the back yard. On the other side of the glass door, upturned nails line the ground and 3 nooses of barbed wire hang down, perhaps to keep away intruders, or perhaps to stop any poor soul from slipping out the back in a hurry. Up the stair case there is a hallway, stretching from the back of the house to the front. The first door on the right is blue, inside hang posters of 1960’s and 70’s psychedelic rock bands, and improve painting on the walls. The one window overlooks the side of the house, and passing cars on the distant highway rattle the windows every time. The room across the hall is a rec room. All the games are old and out of place. Over the years, it has become more of a storage area. The next room, on the right of the hall has the letters R O D printed boldly on it. What they stand for or what they mean, nobody knows. Inside to the right is a twin bed mattress with a single sheet laying across it, an empty bookshelf on the wall to the left and a fireplace on the back wall. There hasn’t been a fire in this room for since something clogged up the chimney a few years back. A pile of wood sits inside, with a book of matches on the mantle. On a broken, carved up desk next to the bed, there is a pad of paper, and a coffee maker. To the left of the door is another door, leading to a shared bathroom. There is no closet in this room, everything that should be in one has been thrown into a corner by the door. The door to this room is rarely opened, but when it is, the entire house knows. Inside the next door on the right is a simple room. Bed to the left, bathroom to the right, shared with the room next to it. The bathroom door is always shut. To the back on the right is another door, a closet, filled with junk, and to the very back, there is an oddly placed bookshelf, full of books that haven’t been read for years.

To the left of the room is a computer desk, with an old computer, many drinking glasses and last weeks dinner. A large television sits across from the bed, between the two doors. Above the bed there is a small window overlooking the front of the house and down the street. Across the hallway is a small dark room, with black walls, crystals hang from the walls and jars with herbs sit on shelves along the walls. Incense and candles burn around the clock. Under a backlight, you can see pentagrams painted in blood on the walls. There are no windows in this room, and the only light is that of the burning candles. The door to this room is always unlocked, and visitors are encouraged to meditate in this room. There’s one more door on the left of this hallway, resting in the middle. Inside, you’ll find the the entire back wall is glass. Gospel music is played at top volume, a very lage bed sits dead center of the room, with white sheets and huge comfortable pillows. A cross hangs above the door frame. Incense are burnt around the clock in this room too. The door is kept locked, and visitors are told never to enter this room.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written out my thoughts, but just letting it flow out…

I love the way I’m attracted to you. It’s like no matter where my life goes, you’re right by my side. Sometimes, I feel like I’m not going anywhere, and you’re sitting still with me, right by my side. If I love life, and were doing something together, everything is perfect. But if I’m in a dark place, I can’t bring myself to lock you by my side in the hell that I’m in. Recently, my life is put me in a bad place. I feel like I’m stretched way too thin. I’ve got 2, sometimes even 1 day a week to do whatever, and I’m usually still so in work mode, that I can’t really chill out. I’m young. You’re young. We’re too young people in love. 

I look at old couples. How they’re always working, keeping up the bills, stretched so thin that they don’t even live, and they hate each other. That’s not a direction I want to go. I just want to cut my hours back, stop working so hard and live. I’m tired of watching days go by. Fuck, I have the most fun with you when were not caring, just being us, doing something fun. Laughing, loving, being.

Stick with me. I’m here for you. Be here for me. If you need anything, I’m right here. And if I need anything, I need you to be right here. Lets get our lives straight, together. Build our lives together. Work together to clear out all the bad shit, the stressful shit, all the shit we don’t need. 

After all, I can’t give up those beautiful eyes, the cute smile, the way you are always up for anything, how we can just lay around and still have the best time ever. I know things have gotten rocky, but both of our lives have gotten rocky and it seems like we’re letting it affect us. Lets make our lives better together, and we will be together until the end. I love you in a way that I can never fully express with words, but don’t worry, because I can show you when I see you. 

You’re my everything, my only, my love.

You are the sun

Burning bright

Warming my body

Burning my skin

Helping me see

Blinding my eyes

This cloudy weather is good and bad

But the clouds are separating and you still shine threw.

vIsIon

Longing – filling my body from toes to the tip of my head

Transforming and releasing tensions

Letting every knot of stress go

Pulling in pure light with my breath

Filling my chest to the brim

Without pause, releasing black tar fully

Taking in positive, pure, absolute light

Pushing out long built negative feelings

Pulling in absolute love

Pushing out

Pulling in

Letting go

Allowing in

I stand in a grassy field

Scattered wildflowers surround me and protect me

The sun shines high above my head, still I feel its intensity to the fullest

I feel the earth at my bare feet and the grass gently brushing my ankles  

I stay in this place for as long as I feel I need to until I feel I should walk

In the distance I see a thick forest, but not so thick as to not allow the sunlight to shine through the branches

I follow the path I am walking, the forest ahead and to my right

Slowly, the forest grows near as I continue down my path

Feeling of uncertainty begin to arise before I see an old friend waiting up ahead as my path meets the forest in an opening seeming as if it were made just for me

My friend turns into the forest and slowly walks without a signal my way, but I know I am meant to follow

I can still feel the warm and comforting sun on my skin as I move along my path

After some time I come to a stream, in which I clean the earth from my feet

I step up from the stream and set by a large tree to rest for a moment

While setting, I begin to become aware of fellow travelers, some setting, some walking paths of their own

I look for familiar faces, but I can’t make out a single one

The effort makes me tired, and I bow my head, turning my attention once again to the water

Only now instead of a stream, the flow of water has increased and expanded into a mighty river, powerful, yet still enough to see my own reflection

I gaze into myself for a moment before I realize the my face is not my own, yet still one I’ve seen so many times in the past

My head is filled with an awareness that goes beyond all capable depth

Joy and love radiate from me

I reach my hand to sweetly caress the reflection, only to disturb the image with ripples

Breaking apart I lose sight of the face and the all and the forest and the sun and finally, the water

My eyes open to an empty room, just as I had left it, only the joy and love and depth still radiate from me and always will

Is it possible…

for someone to manipulate to such extent? It’s not all that elaborate, come to think. Maybe I’m not insane. Maybe I just pick up on this because I do the same thing. But it is not cool. Still, you gotta respect the skill.